4 sessions
CLAUDIA TOMAZ
Rilke's poem
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I live my life in widening circles
that reach out across the world.
I may not complete this last one
but I will give myself to it.
I circle around God,
around the primordial tower.
I’ve been circling for thousands of years
and I still don’t know:
am I a falcon,
a storm, or a great song?
Deep imagery | Longing
This was my little drawing of yesterday's session, where I encountered the cliff of 'The living coast' as a threshold, an edge, and where I met Seagull. I sung my longing to the wind, and Seagull showed up. She told me 'you must find your Earth tribe.' Then she showed me her fast flying, and her flock live, resting in ponds on the rocks. I asked her where was her home, where did she sleep, she replied 'On water, on the shore, essentially where it's safe'. I found a cave inside the cliff. I felt protected by the white stone, the sea, the seagull, this Earth-Sea tribe forming around me, and I made a fire. These cliffs are of chalk, people often write messages on the underneath path using bits of chalk, rocks that fall off the cliff - I am reminded of one I saw recently, saying: 'Focus on love'. This week I plan to spend some hours or long days on the cliffs and see who / what wants to speak.
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...after I watched the seagulls on the cliffs I was reminded of this book which I barely remembered. 'Jonathan Livingston Seagull'. To listen to this audio recording (45mins) has been very powerful, namely the last part, when he finds his mentor and is told to focus on 'love and kindness' and where he discovers his powers beyond time and space (like my distant treatments). And then he returns to his flock that outcasted him, to teach the outcasts. resonating. I leave the recording here so I can come back to it.
I am listening to the teachings of Seagull.
Wild wanders | Day 1
I've been working through images of longing, and spent a long time on the cliffs today. the sun was warm. the tide was low. I wandered wildly on the rocks below the cliffs, observing the high flight of Seagull, and a flickering reflex of bright beaming light on water. I found a rock that looked like a whale, and next to it, a black stone in heart shape, which somehow became part of the whale. I felt for all the deep beings with heavy hearts, whose voices we might not hear, like some of the sound frequencies of my tuning forks, although their vibration brings healing. I wrote my message with chalk from the cliffs and signed 'essence maker'. I could feel the soft brise on my hands and the sound of the waves was a distant soft roaring that I could feel on my bare feet. I focused on breathing, allowing a pause at the end of the expiration, allowing time for a new breath to begin. the story of Jonathan Livingston Seagull, which I listened to on Sunday, remembered by the encounter with Seagull in our session, comes back to mind, while I watch the seagulls flying over my head, their shadows projected on the white cliff, in the midday sun. A story of an outcast, banished by his flock, who after learning all he can and living a solitary happy life, considers to go back to his flock, to show them the ways of freedom, so he does, and he teaches other outcasts to fly in ways they never thought it was possible... My mind dreams of a return while my soul hesitates in this threshold on the edge of the island, breathing the joy of beauty all around me.
Day 2
I returned to the cliffs today. exploring the Edge. The tide is even lower, more rocks are exposed. the sun light is very intense on the cliffs, they look whiter. I remember what brought me to this place. The first time I sat on these cliffs I felt a peace I was longing for. I had been on a nomadic journey for far too long and felt exhausted. I fell in love with the cliffs and the peace I felt right away. The sea and the sky touching, the open view. A peace haven. I was coming to see a room, which I took because of the love of the cliffs. The room ended badly, and I had to run for safety, but I am alive. I am still close enough to the cliffs. I observe the seagulls resting in ponds, playing, flying low. Some times we fly high, some times we fly low. we need to rest. to heal. I find a seagull on a nest, a little cave on the white cliff. I am reminded of the cliffs of my home land, cliffs of a different colour, by the Atlantic ocean.
This is not the first time I am attracted to cliffs. This is in fact the 5th time I live on edges of a land. I once lived on the most western point of Europe, next to a cape, facing West, the Mystery was already there, desguised in beauty, where the sea met the mountain. Another time, I lived by an harbour, next to the lighthouse and a seal came to visit. You see, in one of my past lives, I was a lighthouse keeper, I watched the sea all day and helped guide the boats to safe shore and helped save lives in shipwrecks. As a healer, I am another sort of light keeper, a safe harbour, a lighthouse...
I wonder about the edges of my life. And also this Spaciousness... the spaciousness of this place, the spaciousness of my life, the spaciousness within myself... When I pass the note written on chalk I left on the community wall of the beach, I see someone wrote next to it: No, Be - Ah, yes, not to 'Focus on love and kindness', but to 'Be love and kindness'. Brilliant. I agree, I take that into my walk, I smile. Today I go further along the cliffs. I find other rocks like mini canyons on another beach. I want to lie there in between the rocks but there is no space, it is too narrow. I lie on soft sand instead. I almost fall asleep, and I feel that me too am waking up from a sort of hibernation. The sun feels really good on my skin. specially after such a cold long winter. The sea now is so bright, completely silver, I'm flooded with light, I can't open my eyes, and I notice that I feel safe amongst this geological beings, the rocks and pebbles, protected by the cliff. I feel invisible, connected and spacious. Yet I feel this longing for meaning, for meaningful work, for giving my gifts more fully... But right now, the joy of this moment and the warmth in my body makes me feel complete and content and grateful.
Tight rope
in the deep imagery session on Obstacle, I started in my garden where I have been co-creating with the earth. the requests I had so far were 'flowers for the bees', 'allow space for deeper roots', 'rest', and 'stepping stones', so I got some stones and put them in a circle, marking the 4 directions and centre. I started right in the circle... The place of longing that came up was the cliffs again, the edge of the island. The obstacle that came up was 'village things', the trivial, the 'normal life', humans.
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Then I saw myself on a tight rope. that was a strong image. to walk on the thin rope, to be on the edge, I felt the effort to keep the balance, the sense of not belonging to 'the village', of holding back, holding on, holding tight....
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So, what does it mean to be at point zero on a tight rope?
I walked with this question on the land and printed some random pictures to play with. I also quickly noted some things that have been coming up through the sessions in pieces of paper. I went to the garden, into the circle, with bare feet, feeling the earth and grounding, to see how the images and words would come together and what they would bring. this is some of the stuff that came up through this 'collage' on Earth.
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The new moon embodyment of movement and of stillness showed me how a rope can be supportive too, the thing is to lean into it with trust and be present. to live life on the tight rope, on the edge is to be fully present with Everything. I certainly do that. the holding back, I found, relates with grief, hurt, lack of trust and confidence, and underneath that, a fear of falling apart (in front of others) - and yesterday I took the courage and allowed myself to just be with my vulnerability in front of others and I was held with so much love! I felt the deep transformation right there in that moment, perhaps reminding me of 'a lifelong habit of contraction from receiving'... then I went to my garden and 2 monarch butterflies played around me for like an hour!
A shift occurs. Transformation follows.
A few days later I am given the book and make a new collage.
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Not holding tight on the tight rope.
Flying on the rope.
Moving forward on the edge.
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I see a woman who is courageous in her authentic walking of the edge (Sharon)
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"Be the voice of the edge"
